August Blog Challenge!!

Day 10 write about someone who inspires you.


Hmm...that's a good question. When I was asked this about 8 years ago I said my sister Hope, at the time she was the strongest girl I had ever known. She was born 4 months prem. she weighed in at 1lb 5 oz. Tiny tiny tiny little girl, she made it all the way till she was 2 months shy of her second birthday. She had every machine, tube, medicine you could never possible imagine being hooked up to a baby who may never even had a fighting chance.

I think I will continue with her story, because to this day she still inspires me to be a better mom, daughter and sister. When I got word about her birth I was 17 working the night shift at a corner store up the road from our house. I went to see my mom at the hospital since Hope was so little she was taken over to a different hospital that had a better NICU in it. I was angry with my mom, she didn't take care of herself knowing she was pregnant with my baby sister. She was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I forgive her now, but there is always that niggling reminder in the back of you head she chose those things over being a family. I know addiction is a sickness and some people do not have the strength to break from it's hold. Back to my sister, my mom bailed as soon as she was released from the hospital. I have known of one time she went up to the hospital to see her, other than that she pretty much  washed her hands of a baby this going to be very special needs. Hope was on a ventilator which later turned into a Trachea, she was on heart monitors due to holes in her heart. She had open heart surgery when she was just 2 months old. It was a success THANK GOD!! Well at the time I was in and out of the hospital visiting with her as much as I could. My dad in the meantime sat me down, he didn't know how he was going to be able to take care of such a sick child. He was telling me about how he was thinking of putting her up for adoption so that a family that had the means could take care of her. Now granted we had the same conversation shortly after my mom bailed on us kids.He was going to send us all to relatives houses (diff relatives) so that we can be taken care of he didn't know how to be a single father. I talked him out of that just as I talked him out of signing off on Hope. I told him we have been able to keep our family together through our strength and determination. There is no reason we can not take care of Hope and I wont hear of her being taken from us.


So then we both went up to the hospital, talked to Hope's Dr's and case workers. I don't think I ever felt so proud then when their faces reflected shock when my dad told them. So for the next year it was evenings at the hospital spending time with her, then the training began. We had to learn how to clean, replace,tubes her tr each. How to read the machines, administer medicine to her. Her feeding machines, tubes EVERYTHING! Once we were set to go on our training came the time to get her room together. We had a small 3 bedroom trailer out in the country. My dad moved to the living room, we got rid of his bed and dressers. We set up a crib, shelving for machines, medicines, bandages. I got to paint her room. I remember painting the ceiling blue and then having green paint and stamps that I put animals all over the ceiling for her to look at. I did a border around the room. I tried to make this crappy trailer and nice place for her to finally come HOME to. We had a nursing staff that was with her 24-7 for the first few months. Then their hours got cut and we had her anywhere form 2-4 hours by ourselves.

Then I graduated High School, she was there I still get teary eyed when I look at the picture and there she is front and center in her big stroller holding all her machines. You can tell I wasn't there that afternoon to get my other sister ready for the program since she had clearly NOT had her hair brushed. For graduation I got a plane ticket to visit my grandparents in Maine. I went filled with the excitement any 18 year old would have that hasn't been anywhere. I got the phone call about 5 days of being there. My dad sobbing uncontrollably on the phone I couldn't understand what he was saying, finally he took a breath and said "I'm sorry baby but she's gone, Hopie is gone". Still gives me goosebumps to this day. I was on the next flight home, filled with guilt about not being there when she passed i never got to say goodbye to her. When I left for my flight it was 4 am and the nurses were busy with her, and I was wrapped up in my own teenage head of having an adventure lie ahead of me. I got home, we went through the funeral proceedings, she now sits in a gold box with an angel on it. Of course there was an autopsy done, turns out her little heart just couldn't take anymore, she layed down for a nap that afternoon and just never woke up.